What do we do when others hurt us?
We might react with anger, defensiveness, or resentment. While a single incident may pass, repeated experiences of hurt often leave a deeper impact. Over time, they shape not only our relationship with the person who hurt us, but also the way we relate to others.
The stories below offer three different ways of looking at hurt and those who cause it. Each points to a different response — and a different possibility for our own growth.
Story 1: The Angry Bear
In a fable, Leo Tolstoy describes a strategy used to hurt a bear .
A heavy log was hung over a bowl of honey. Drawn by the honey, the bear pushed the log away. The log swung back and hit the bear.
Irritated, the bear pushed the log even harder. The log would return with greater force and strike her again. The more the bear reacted, the more pain she caused herself.
Tolstoy observes that people often behave in the same way when they return hurt for the hurt they receive from others.
Like the bear, we fail to see the real reason behind the hurt — not the person, but the ignorance they carry. We hold their faults to heart and, knowingly or unknowingly, react on like terms.
Lens 1 - Jaswant Singh Ji describes this as Dosh Drishti — seeing the fault. We become so absorbed in another person's shortcomings that we get caught in cycles of reaction and counter-reaction.
BK Sister Shivani shares, “The fastest way to become unhappy is to blame someone else.”
When we say, “Because of you…”, we give away our inner power. Blame rarely solves a problem. Instead, it creates negativity in the other person, and they often reflect it back to us. This sets off a cycle that deepens the anger and hurt in a relationship.
Story 2: The Fakir and the Thief
A thief started visiting the hut of a fakir (mendicant). Finding the right opportunity, one day he stole whatever he could find there — some clothes and some money.
A short distance away, he was caught by the police. When they discovered where the stolen goods had come from, they summoned the fakir to the station.
“These are your clothes and money, aren’t they?” they asked. “And here is your thief.”
The fakir replied, “You are right. These are my clothes and money. But this thief is not mine.”
The officers looked puzzled.
“He is a fellow seeker. That is why I had told him he was welcome to my hut at any time of the day or night.
Look how dirty these clothes have become. He must have taken the money to buy some soap and have them cleaned.”
The fakir brought the man back to his hut, and over time the thief became a sincere disciple.
Lens 2 – The fakir took a second lens to see the person—Door Drishti (far sight). Instead of asking, “What fault is this person displaying?”, he asked, “What will it take to change this person?” His response came not from resentment or blame, but from compassion and insight. He looked beyond the man’s present actions to the person he could become and what would help him on that journey of transformation.
His response came not from resentment or blame, but from kindness and compassion.
Story 3: Prahlad and Hiranyakashipu
The story of Prahlad is well known.
His father, Hiranyakashipu, became a powerful king and demanded that everyone worship him alone. But Prahlad remained devoted to the One Creator.
Enraged by his son’s refusal, Hiranyakashipu subjected him to many hardships and punishments. Yet Prahlad remained steadfast in his faith. Eventually, Hiranyakashipu met his end at the hands of Narasimha, the form Bhagavan Vishnu assumed to protect his devotee.
Prahlad later became king and ruled with wisdom and compassion. There is a beautiful story about the end of Prahlad’s life on earth. Bhagavan invited Prahlad to Vaikuntha, the eternal abode where devotees go upon achieving liberation.
Prahlad asked, “Before I come, may I know where my father is?”
Bhagavan replied, “Given the deeds he performed, he is in hell.”
Prahlad pleaded, “But there is one good deed to his credit — he gave birth to Your devotee. If my own father remains in suffering, what good can I do for anyone else?”
He did not say, “That serves him right. He opposed me all his life.” Instead, he sought grace even for the one who had caused him the greatest suffering.
Pleased by Prahlad’s compassion, Bhagavan replied, “I bless twenty-one generations of your lineage with liberation.”
Lens 3 – This is the third lens — Divya Drishti. Through this lens, Prahlad saw that, with Divine Grace, there was ultimately no separation between himself and his father. Both were expressions of the One, and both were destined to return to the One.
Wisdom for Our Lives
These three stories are also representative of different states of our own mind.
Sometimes, we get caught in cycles of hurt and counter-hurt. We focus on the fault and react in kind. This is Dosh Drishti.
Sometimes, we look beyond the fault and ask what might help the other person grow. We see the possibility of transformation. This is Door Drishti.
And sometimes, through Grace, we are able to see beyond both fault and virtue. We recognize that we are all imperfect beings, journeying toward the same Divine source. This is Divya Drishti.
Life may call for all three perspectives at different times. Yet the stories invite us to keep expanding our vision—from seeing the fault, to seeing the possibility, to seeing the Divine.
We cannot always change another person’s behavior. We cannot force them to accept our advice or learn from their mistakes. But we can choose the lens through which we see them.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
— Wayne Dyer
नजर को बदलो तो नज़ारे बदल जाते हैं
Change the way you look, and the scenery changes.
सोच को बदलो तो सितारे बदल जाते हैं
Change your thinking, and your destiny changes.
कश्तियाँ बदलने की ज़रूरत नहीं
There is no need to change the boat.
दिशा को बदलो तो किनारे बदल जाते हैं।
Change its direction, and you arrive at a different shore.
Reflection Question
When someone hurts you, what helps you move beyond the fault and towards healing, understanding, or acceptance?
Sources
Jaswant Singh Parwana, Bahiye Padhiye Paas
Leo Tolstoy, A Calendar of Wisdom
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