When You Are in the Seat of the Giver

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by

The Sabad Project
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There was once a generous king. Every day, he would bring a large vessel of grain to distribute to those in need. People would line up, holding out their jholis (a cloth stretched out to receive alms). The king would scoop up fistfuls of grain and fill them, but he never looked at the faces of those he helped. Without meeting their eyes, he simply filled their jholis as they passed by.

One day, a dervish (a wandering holy man) noticed the king’s generosity. The king served many people, giving tirelessly. But the dervish also noticed something unusual—the king never lifted his eyes to meet the gaze of those he was helping.

The next day, the dervish stood in line with the others. When it was his turn, the king stretched out his hand to give, but the dervish didn’t hold out his jholi. Instead, he gently caught the king’s hand. Surprised, the king looked up for the first time and asked, “Where should I pour the grain? I don’t see your jholi.”

The dervish replied, “I haven’t come for alms. I’ve come to ask you a question.”

Curious, the king said, “Ask.”

The dervish asked, “Why do you lower your eyes every time you give? Why don’t you look at the people who come to you for help?”

The king sighed and replied, “If I look into their eyes while giving, they will think I am the giver. But that’s not true. I am not the one giving. What I offer is not mine—it’s what He has given me. I’m simply passing it along.”

This thought is beautifully captured in a verse:

Jiu jiu kar uche uthe, tiu tiu niche nain
Denhaar koi aur hai, jo bhejat hai din rain
Lok bharam mujh pe kare, ta te niche nain

As my hand rises to give, my eyes lower.
The true Giver is someone else, giving day and night.
People may think it’s me, that’s why I lower my eyes.

In Persian, the word Abishar refers to a waterfall that flows with water from rain or melting ice. Bhai Vir Singh, a renowned poet and theologian captures this thought beautifully in his poem Abishar, where the waterfall speaks when someone thanks it for providing water:

Abishar akhe sun bhole
Main ta vast na kaai
Arshon lena te farshi dena
Reet asadi ahi

The waterfall replied, “Listen, my innocent friend,
I have nothing of my own.
I take from the heavens and give to the earth.
That is my only role.”

Giving is an essential practice on the journey to becoming a better human being. However, the act of giving can sometimes become intertwined with pride and the desire to display generosity. The story above serves as a beautiful reminder to keep ourselves grounded. Just like the waterfall, we must remember that we are not the true givers; we are simply passing on what we have received.

Source: Story adapted from a katha by Giani Pinderpal Singh Ji.

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Reflection Question:

What has been your lesson in humility? How do you keep yourself grounded when you receive praise or success?

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Comments

8 responses to “When You Are in the Seat of the Giver”

  1. Bhante Avatar
    Bhante

    Beautiful. For some reason, verses from gurbaani always resonated with me. So much wisdom, started so humbly & simply in a way that anyone can understand – from a granny to her grandchild.

    And there’s so much in common with the teachings of The Buddha – my teacher for almost 2 decades now. He says – if you knew what i know about giving, you wouldn’t take a single meal without giving first.

    We think we work hard hence we earned money. But then, didn’t so many people work much harder, much smarter than you but still didn’t make as much? It’s the punya earned from giving that created this distinction.

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    1. The Sabad Project Avatar
      The Sabad Project

      Thank you Bhante. Incidentally, we were discussing this idea today – can we create opportunities for a grandparent and grandchild / parent and child to enjoy the same story. Hopefully the more we can weave these stories into the fabric of our communities, our lives will be richer and our relationships stronger.

      What you said about The Buddha intrigues me – “if you knew what i know about giving, you wouldn’t take a single meal without giving first.”. Please do share a little bit more when you get a chance.

      In gratitude!

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  2. P.Anbazhagan. Avatar
    P.Anbazhagan.

    Yes, it is true that we are not giving anything. We are just passing on the things the almighty as given to us. This is a wonderful point. Some people often make display of their offerings. This writings should also reach them.

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    1. The Sabad Project Avatar
      The Sabad Project

      Thank you, Anbu. It truly takes a lot of practice. While it’s easier to remind myself that material things are not mine, it’s much harder to remember that even virtues and qualities aren’t mine.

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  3. vishalanam Avatar
    vishalanam

    Absolutely brilliant!

    To keep the thread flowing presenting a counterview, why do we give? When we give, who is giving and who is taking? The fundamental concept of ownership and belongingness comes under question.

    So while the king lower his eyes? Why does he have to give it himself?

    Why do people have to open their jholi? Isnt that explicit act of embarrassment for the taker?

    Any act of Charity which is done in a social manner ends up being self-fulfilling! And if it is that, do it proudly knowing fully that one is doing it for oneself without lowering the eyes!

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    1. The Sabad Project Avatar
      The Sabad Project

      Thanks, Vishal! Your perspective certainly adds more depth to the conversation. As they say, the ‘truth’ becomes more nuanced the deeper we explore.

      One example of a deeper practice that comes to mind is a story I once heard about a person from the pre-independence era. (I’m sure there are many more examples of such individuals.) Whenever he learned that someone in the village was in need, he would discreetly arrange for food and money to be delivered to their home just before sunrise. Even the recipients never knew who had sent it.

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  4. Uthra5 Avatar
    Uthra5

    In a world where creating positive change requires action, we naturally adopt the standpoint of the ‘doer.’ As we live this way, we begin to see ourselves as ‘givers.’ However, this mindset can blind us to the intricate web of contributions that make our accomplishments possible.

    To gain a deeper understanding, let’s consider our relationship with everyday objects. Take a mobile phone, for instance. We may have bought it with our hard-earned money, but could we build it from scratch, even with ten times the amount? The process would involve mining metals, creating components, assembling parts, and mastering the technologies involved. The same is true for everything we use and enjoy, from the food we eat, clothes we wear to the buildings we inhabit. Even the knowledge that we have is acquired from others.

    Recognizing the countless people—sometimes many generations of them, resources, and living beings that come together to produce what we have and enjoy humbles us. It reveals that our accomplishments are not solely our own. Adopting this perspective dissolves the ‘doer’ and ‘giver’ identities, allowing us to flow with life effortlessly.

    In contrast, identifying as the ‘doer’ brings tightness and stress. In today’s fast-paced world, we often lose sight of this truth and need reminders, like stories such as these, to pause, shift our perspective, and appreciate the blessings we’ve received.

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  5. The Sabad Project Avatar
    The Sabad Project

    Thank you Uthra. Can really relate to that – identifying as the ‘doer’ blinds us, and binds us. Slowly chipping away at this mindset of “I am doing….” allows life to flow.

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